Merry Christmas Ladies....

(Thanks Carren!)

Ummmmm.... yeah

My clutch went kaput yesterday and it's costing me a LOT of money to fix. So, yeah.

Why not watch this instead of worrying:

Your totally NOT commercial Merry Christmas message of the day

I just thought it was too funny not to share.



I'd actually like a new vacuum....... or a man to give me one.

Maybe you had to go to BYU to get this...

But I laughed so hard when I watched these I had to share.



This one is bad quality-wise, but made me laugh, even if I identify with the bitter roommate on the phone with her mom more than those mackin on the Love Sac.



(Thanks Jamie, you made my day with these!)

Awesomely Bad Christmas Song O' the Day

Enjoy:

Happy Hanukkah Everybody (but mostly my dad)!

This one's for you Daddy-o



Those are some (in the words of Adam Sandler) fine lookin' Jews.

If the video doesn't work, click here.

EVERYTHING Sounds Better With an English Accent

Especially HIS English accent:



How adorable is Jude Law?

Guilty Pleasures, AKA Things too stupid/disgusting/embarrasing for me to admit to loving... until now.

I know I've been neglecting this little ole blog of late, and I don't know if anyone is still even reading. I apologize for that, and I will say that I've been doing some soul searching about whether or not I'm going to continue this little venture.

But.... for the time being I thought I'd share a deep dark secret with you.

I love Easy Cheese. There. Now I've said it. Yep. I love cheese from a can. I know it's disgusting. I know it's a horrifying color. I know that I shouldn't, but I do.

And I'm not alone. One Thanksgiving not so long ago a certain male sibling who shall remain nameless and I went through two cans and an entire bunch of celery BEFORE we even sat down to dinner. If only his wife had been home to stop us. She could have saved each of us a lot of heartache a huge stomach ache.

Whew! I feel so much lighter now that I've gotten that off my chest.

I'm a Halloweenie

I've never been a big fan of Halloween.

There. I've said it.

Don't get me wrong, as a kid I appreciated the free candy and all that, but the costumes.... never have been my thing.

Probably because they weren't my mom's thing either. We have some great pictures of my sisters as "Indians" wearing white garbage bags and my costume at age two when I wanted to be a "pretty lady" and ended up looking like Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming my mom for this. I understand her. Do I ever understand her. Every year when this holiday comes around I am reminded of my lack of creativity as far as costumes are concerned. Last year I went as "Your Auntie". My nieces weren't impressed. Another year I went to school as "Miss L-" with a sash and tiara. My students thought it sucked. Sigh.

My sister is a Halloween goddess. I'm not kidding. She spends countless hours tracking down, sewing, glueing, paper machie-ing, painting,.... costumes for her five children, and she ACTUALLY ENJOYS IT. If you want to see what I mean, check this out.

If my own child bearing dreams had been realized I'd be living down the street from my fabulous costume maker of a sister and every year my sad little indians and menopausal adulteresses would have to trick or treat with her Greek Hopelight Warriors and we all know they'd die a little inside just for having me as a mother.

Maybe that's why this commercial speaks to me so deeply:



You go Ironman, indeed.

4 things, maybe 5

1. I have more grading to do within the next week than is humanly possible. At the end of each grading period I do question my decision to become an English teacher.

2. My students get a *5 day weekend. I get a measly 3 day one. Nothing like knowing someone gets more time off than you do to turn a 3 day weekend to crap.

3. Today's Catalog Living made me laugh out loud. Alone. In my classroom. When I should have been grading papers.

4.I have to come up with an effective plan to avoid trick-or-treaters this Halloween. Sunday evening will undoubtedly find me hiding under my bed with a flashlight.

5. If I didn't have an appointment after school I'd be home and in bed by 2:30 p.m. Sadly, I do have an appointment after school today.

* Friday we're celebrating "Nevada Day" and have no school. For further information on Nevada day go here, or here. Monday and Tuesday are "Professional Development Days". This means the kids get them off, but I DON'T!!!

Yeah, but I've been to Kansas City!

When I was an undergrad at BYU I had a particularly annoying roommate who, along with stinking to high heaven, had the annoying habit of having to top EVERYONE'S story, no matter what it was: You have a cold? Stinky nearly died from the flu when she was 12. You have three papers due this week: She had four last semester!

Well, my friend M and I who roomed with this delightful creature had just returned from our missions in New York City. This left us with highly sensitive bull crap meters and a toughness honed by 18 months of walking at night through dangerous neighborhoods handing out our phone numbers to random strangers.

I have to say that although I'm sure I was in danger from time to time during my 18 months in Queens and Brooklyn, I was never scared or nervous. I was on the Lord's errand and was where I was supposed to be.

One night after sharing our favorite "I could have been killed this one time...." stories (a favorite pastime of returned missionaries in general and New York South missionaries in particular), Stinky piped up with "Yeah, but you didn't serve in Kansas City. Kansas City is REALLY dangerous." We scoffed and laughed at her. I mean we had served in NEW YORK CITY! A city KNOWN for danger and crime.

Thereafter the phrase, "Yeah, but I've been to Kansas City!" became synonymous with bull crap.

Why do I bring this up today?
For the past two years, the people at Walletpop.com have compiled the 25 worst neighborhoods in the United States. Not too surprisingly Las Vegas made the list. Not once. Not twice. But count 'em THREE TIMES.

Let me make it even clearer. Those three neighborhoods are in the top EIGHT most dangerous.

Why do I bring this up? Not to scare my mother (who refused to allow me to student teach in inner city Washington D.C. even though I'd served my mission in New York City), although she might think otherwise. Nope.

I'm sharing this info to let you know that my school is located right smack dab in the middle of the third most dangerous neighborhood in the United States:



yep. That one.

To sum up, we ship the best and the brightest students from all over Las Vegas to a neighborhood wherein you have a 1 in 7 chance of being a victim of crime.

Here's the thing. Like my time as a young missionary in New York City, I have never felt nervous or worried or even hesitant about my safety at my school. I suppose being where you're supposed to be and doing what you're supposed to do makes all of the difference.

Also, I mention this list because for all of these years I felt so big and bad and brave for working Bed Stuy and South Prospect Park in Brooklyn. Turns out they didn't even make the list. What a let down.

Kansas City did. It's number 23. I guess Stinky had a point.

But I'VE been to Las Vegas 89106!

The Wet Corgi Dance

You might think it's strange to post a video of someone else's dog doing something funny, but this video is just so typically corgi that I had to post it.



Gotta love a Corgi!!

Again, Seriously...

In case you were wondering, No. I will NEVER tire of OK Go.

Seriously?

Not only does he look like this:



But he also says things like this,

and then he dances like a goofball in this:


(Never have I wanted to be an 88 year old woman more.)

And he makes it impossible for me NOT to love him.

Yeah, Yeah, I know

I promised more house photos. But, you see..... school started. And my house decorating (and cleaning for that matter) kinda went kaput. I'll get back to it. But until then, you must must MUST check out the hilarious Catalog living. It's the blog for all of us who love catalogues, yet wonder: Who actually lives in these rooms?

Ta ta for now.

(thanks to Coal Creek Farm for the link)

Home Sweet Home....Vol. 1

Hey everyone! I am now officially living in my new house!! I'm more tired than I can remember being, but so happy. A lot of you told me that decorating my very own house would feel different, and I believed you, but I didn't know just how satisfying it could be to do whatever I want (within budget, of course)!

So, with no further ado, I thought I'd share a few pictures:



This is the house, with my favorite accesory: a HUGE dead tree. Nothing says welcome home like a dead tree. I'll take care of it....as soon as I can afford it.

I've been busy in the past two weeks, and I have these bruises to prove it:



First of all, I painted nearly the entire house. The only rooms that I haven't attacked with a paintbrush are my office, the garage, the laundry room and the guest bathroom. I'm not touching any of them except the bathroom in the near future. I'm thinking a pretty light green. Soooooooo my house has gone from being this color:



to this color:



I know in the picture it doesn't look a lot different, but trust me. It is. I love this color. It's called pale gold and in some light it looks yellow and in others it's kinda tan. I love love love it. It's pretty.


Since I only designed my Tiffany inspired bedroom last year, I wasn't ready to let that color go. However, I went with a tiny bit less bright blue, and I changed my window coverings:




As you can see I haven't finished, and I don't have anything hanging on the wall yet. These things take time.

I'm especially proud of what I've done in the walk in closet. I took it from three walls of this:



to two walls of that and one wall of this:


*cue angels singing. Am I right ladies?

That's right. I ripped out a shelf and hanging rod with my two bare hands, a rubber mallet, and a hammer and then hung all of those lovely shelves. BY MYSELF!!!

I've also changed the lock on this door:




and this door:




and one other one that I forgot to take a picture of.

Again, BY MYSELF!!!!



So, that's all for now. I'm tired and the other rooms are still too messy to take pictures of.

*******Addendum********

After I broke down and cried on the phone to my mom after my first full day of working on the house, she and my darling dad came and spent two days working on the house with me. I don't know what I would have done without them. Seriously. My dad fixed my kitchen faucet, my toilets, hung blinds, etc. My mom ripped out REALLLLLLLLLY ugly shelves in the entertainment center niche in my family room. The entire thing was painted black. She requested a picture of the after. I wish I had a photo of the before so that you could see the difference, but trust me, it looks worlds better.

Here it is now:

NEWS FLASH!!!!

I'm signing papers this afternoon and closing tomorrow. I'm so jazzed I can't even begin to tell you.

What this means is that you'll not hear from me for a while, and then I'll inundate you with pictures. I'm apologizing in advance.

I'm CLOSING TOMORROW!!!!

Because I have nothing else in my life...

I'm going to share a snapshot of my current favorite television shows. Yeah, I know it's summer and I should be out playing and having fun, tra-la-la. But, I live in Las Vegas and stepping outside my door immerses me in immediate "surface of the sun" tempatures and eau de pit bull urine. Added to that is the fact that I'm currently packing in the hopes that I will actually close on my new house at the end of the week, and I own a TiVo.

So here we go in no particular order:

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
(on dvd)



Yeah. I know it's old news. I'm sure many of you have even kinda forgotten about this gem in the years since it left television. I can think of no better antidote to the Sparkly Vampire quagmire we now find ourselves living through (Sorry Jamie, Carly, Rachel, and Wendy. It's true. I may watch the Twilight movies, but they're subpar) than a big box of Buffy. If you want to watch vampires, watch them the right way. I mean, really. I got hooked this time when my sister Christy and I decided to have a "Best of Buffy" night right before we left for the cruise. We easily agreed on our #1 episode ("Once More With Feeling", season 6) But after that the list grew too long for one night. Heck, it grew too long for a week of nights. If you've never watched Buffy, I highly suggest you do.

2. The Good Guys
(Mondays, Fox)



I first started watching this show because Bradley Whitford is in it. I've had a little crush on him ever since he played Josh Lyman on "The West Wing", but it was clear from the very first episode that Dan Stark aint no Josh Lyman. He's sweaty, idiotic, sexist, disgusting and delightful. The show is equal parts Starsky and Hutch and Dragnet with a healthy dose of quirk and cheeze for good measure. Colin Hanks and Bradley Whitford are incredibly fun to watch whether they're finding themselves the unwitting target of the 2nd best assassin in the world by tracking down a stolen humidifier, or when they're about to be run down by "a flaming truck of some sort". If you enjoy silliness and quirky characters, watch it.

3.Royal Pains.
(Thursdays, USA)



I've always had a thing for cute Jewish boys and Mark Feuerstein is one of my favorites. He's had really bad luck in the past (he has been called "Sit-com kryptonite" along with another of my favorite people Lauren Graham), but in Royal Pains he's finally found a vehicle for his adorableness. I like the story, I love the characters, it reminds me of living in Long Island as a young missionary, and every episode feels like summer. It's never going to win awards for realism, but if you enjoy cute boys, highly improbably medical storylines, and beautiful scenery I'd watch it.

4.My Boys.
(Sundays, TBS, but I TiVo and watch it on Monday, Mom. Really.)



This is a little gem of a show with a bad time slot and a terrible address. TBS is kind of the red-headed step child of the Turner broadcasting family. If this show was on TNT with all of it's other golden children more people would know about it. Alas, it is not and I fear its days are numbered. Nevertheless, I love it. This season will suffer from the loss of Jim Gaffigan, but he never was the show. The show revolves around tomboy P.J. and her "boys", and it's clever, well written, and makes me laugh out loud every single week. Season 4 is currently on, but the first three seasons are out on dvd. I love this show so much I'm going to include a clip of my favorite moment ever: (The good stuff starts about about 2:20)


Kenny's letter is my favorite part. "When you tried to get me to buy the new Fergie album it made me feel so lonely." It kills me EVERY TIME I watch it.

5.Top Chef, D.C.
(Wednesdays, Bravo)


First off, let me tell you that last season (in Las Vegas) was incredibly superior to this one, but what can I say? It's Top Chef. I love it. I can't explain exactly why this show is so compelling. It might be Tom Colicchio, but as wonderful as he is, it's so much more than that. I'm not a huge fan of reality television, but I am a huge fan of this show.

6. Mad Men
(Sundays, AMC I TiVo it too Mom, I swear!)



It's BAAAAA-ACK. "Who is Don Draper?" Who the heck cares as long as John Hamm continues to play him. I know that in real life I wouldn't like the guy, but on television his arrogance and aura of mystery are part of the charm. It's been a long wait and there's always the worry that this season is where it will start sucking, but after watching the first episode I must say that I like where it has begun: Sterling Cooper Draper and Price working out of a tiny office space with no conference table and a phantom second floor, Don Draper out of place and sorts, Pete Campbell trying to get people to call him Peter. I like that Peggy's more willing to call Don on his crap, that a girl turned Don Draper down for once, and that Joan's back running the place; but mostly, I'm just happy to have Don Draper (and John Hamm) back in my life on a regular basis.

7. Memphis Beat
(Tuesdays, TNT)



Great music, seedy scenery, Jason Lee. What's not to love. I'm not a huge fan of cop shows (although there are two on my list) but I do enjoy a good character driven story. That's what appeals to me here. Plus, as much as I loved him as Earl, it's nice to see Jason cleaned up and de-mustachioed. The supporting cast (including the ALWAYS gorgeous and talented Alfre Woodard--one of those actors who improves the material, no matter what it is)is great, and I have really enjoyed the storylines thus far.

Let me 'splain....No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Because my body has finally realized that it's summer time and therefore must hybernate, I don't have the energy to write about my fabulous Alaska Cruise/Seattle vacation.

Let it suffice to say that a grand time was had by all and that Alaska is one of the most gorgeous places on earth, and that Seattle is a wonderful city.

I'm hoping to write more later, but thought I'd post some pictures in the meantime.





The afternoon before the getting on the ship. Argosy Harbor cruise. What a beautiful skyline.


Doesn't this picture just scream "Summer Vacation"?



Cruising through Endicott Fjord. GORGEOUS water, ICEBERGS!!!


Christy and I in front of the Dawes Glacier from the Endicott Fjord. Second Day at Sea. It's hard to believe something can be that color in nature.






Downtown Skagway, Alaska. A cute town with a criminal past. LOVED it.



Some views from the White Pass and Yukon Route Railway trip


The Mendenhall Glacier. Maybe my favorite part of the whole trip.


Licking a piece of the glacier.




Getting rained on in Juneau





Ketchikan, Alaska. Raspberries. Totem Poles. Harbor. (Historical) Whore Houses.



Butchart Gardens, Victoria, B.C. Canada.



Back in Seattle in time for a HORRIBLE 90 degree heat wave. Whew! If they only knew.

There it is....kinda. I hope to post for reals later.

Secret Message Post

TJ's got the news:




That's right. I'm in ES-CA-ROW!!

Digital Mix Tape

I LOVE music. Music defined how I saw myself in high school, has helped me choose friends, and often expresses my innermost joy/sorrow/thoughts.

I was one of those girls in high school AND college who made mix tapes for my friends. I spent hours pouring my love and affection into each playlist and then more hours designing the covers.

This past week The English Geek wrote a post about her current playlist and encouraged her readers to do the same. I loved it and decided to do the same.

I spent some time thinking about this playlist, and a few more deciding on just the right words to express just what I love about each song. This isn't a list of my favorite songs, just a list of what I'm listening to right now. The heavy hitters, the songs in current rotation. Enjoy:

1. "Crazy Eddie's Last Hurrah" by Reckless Kelly. Who knew that a song about breaking up, drunk driving, and double homicide could be so much fun? I can't really explain why I love this song so much, but it might have something to do with all of the clever rhymes to "and I'm never getting over Joely".

2. "Empty" by Ray LaMontagne. The bleakness of this song moves me. I love the lines "I never learned to count my blessings,I choose instead to dwell in my disasters". I hate to admit it, but that perfectly sums up my feelings way too often. I'm a huge fan of LaMontagne, and this isn't the song that I love most by any stretch, but it is the song that's speaking to me right now. (But if you want some good stuff check out "Let it Be Me" and "Hey Me, Hey Mama" or "Shelter" AMAZING.)

3. "Hey Soul Sister" by Train. I'm a little bit embarrassed by this one, but I'll suck it up and share anyway. I can't explain they dichotomy of placing this effervescent pop song next to the dark and wistful "Empty" but there you have it: me in a nutshell. There's something about the way he sings "Hey" that gets me moving. I imagine myself dancing a quickstep to this every time I hear it and it puts a smile on my face.

4. "Sea Lion Woman" by Feist. This song gets me moving. It makes me want to clap a beat and stomp my feet. It's also one of the songs I have on my "working out" playlist. It's a great song to get you running/walking/moving, and Feist's a genius.

5. "Hotel Song" by Regina Spektor. "I have dreams of orca whales and owls, but I wake up in fear, you will never be my, you will never be my fool." Ahhhhhhh. We'll just ignore the part about illegal drugs, yes?

6."Silver Lining" by Rilo Kiley. There's something about the line "I was your silver lining, but now I'm gold." that gives me a little shiver of delight. Oh, and the girl can sing.

7. "Mouthwash" by Kate Nash. I love the happy piano at the beginning. I love that you can tell she's from London. I love that she sings about freckles. I love this song.

8. "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. Do I need a reason? It's just beautiful. The music, the lyrics, I love everything about this song.

9. "Island in the Sun" by Weezer. This is the ultimate summer song. I got to see Weezer in concert when they were first starting out. "Buddy Holly" had just hit MTV like a storm and they were playing the Utah State Fair Grounds. Tickets were cheap, my roommates and I decided to go. My brother and some of his friends drove down from what was then Ricks College (now BYU Idaho). The band ran onstage to the theme song from some 80's tv show (Magnum P.I.?) and had a plywood backdrop of the now famous Weezer W with holes drilled out for Christmas lights to poke through. They were young, raw, and I'll admit it: we left early. I'm ashamed, and will be forever. My brother stayed there 'til they closed the place down. I left. Who knew that those guys with the funny video would still be around all these years later? I certainly didn't, but I sure am glad they are. I'm sorry for doubting you Rivers, and thank you for writing this song so that I can celebrate the end of every school year.

10. The Old 97's. This band has been on pretty heavy rotation for a couple of years now. I love them. They speak to me. I love that my 8 year old niece Bethany and I can sing every word of "Question". Their music is fun without being cheesy, dark without being depressing. And Rhett Miller is dreamy.

11. "Grace Kelly" by Mika. If this were my niece Samantha's list "Lollipop" would be on this list, but it's always been "Grace Kelly" for me. There are so many reasons why I keep coming back to this one, but I won't bore you with them. Instead I'll just say, listen to it. I dare you not to like it.

12."Like a Prayer" by Madonna. When this song first came out, Pepsi paid Madonna a ridiculous amount of money to have the rights to play her video on commercial tv. I don't know why they were surprised that her video was controversial. I loved it. I still do. I love dark, curly haired Madonna. I know she's not the icon, but I love her. Plus, this song makes you dance in your seat. You can't help it. I am always happy when this song comes on when I'm at a red light and I can really get down.

13. "Pretty Girl from Annapolis" by The Avett Brothers. I was introduced to these guys by Melissa and Danny a couple of years ago, but I didn't really fall in love with them until I saw them perform this song on Ace of Cakes. Yeah. They have a series of "Pretty Girl from...." songs, but this is my favorite. I love the lines "My dreams fly me to a place near Baltimore. And I love this moment we're in, though we might never see this moment again" The lyrics may be about a boy who can't commit, but they remind me of a New Year's Eve spent in Annapolis with two of my favorite people on earth. I loved that moment we were in, and we never saw that moment again. But isn't that the point?

14. "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. I recently got a 80's compilation (mostly because I was in the mood for "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler) and this song was on it. I'd forgotten how good he was. This was my favorite song in the fourth grade (when I had NO idea what it was really about) and Thriller was, hands down, the most played record in our house that year. This song took me back to the pre-creepy, pre plastic surgery Michael that I had a crush on. Through all of the creepiness I'd forgotten just how good he was. What a talent.

15. "California" by Rufus Wainwright. This song is simultaneously silly ("Thousand surfers, whiffs of freon and my new grandma Bea Arthur")and derisive ("Life is the longest death in California").


Sooooooo, what are YOU listening to? Tell me in the comments section, or blog about it yourself. If you do blog, let me know!

If you want to do more than read about these songs, I have my playlist posted on the blog under the title Digital Mixtape.

Things I'm Thinkin' 'Bout

1. This is right next to the most adorable thing I've ever seen:



and fyi, this is NOT how Austen reacts to being fed. When I feed Austen, he walks over, looks at his food and then at me as if to say "Mum, do you fink I'm gonna eat that rubbish?" (remember, my dog has a tough British accent) Then, he moves his food one kibble at a time to the other side of the rug and then MAYBE, if I'm lucky he eats it(If I'm not lucky I step on soggy dog food with my bare feet.).

2. For eleven years I've told my students, "Pick up that backpack. I don't want to trip and fall." or "Push in that chair, I don't want to trip and fall." It's just one of those things you say as a teacher, I don't think I ever really thought I'd ever trip and fall. Well, no more. Last week I did exactly that, and in case you're wondering, yes. I was wearing a skirt. Yes. It flew up. No. I didn't die of embarrassment. Yes. I did hurt myself. My left foot to be exact. Yes. That left foot. No. It's not broken, just really bruised and painful.

It was one of those moments when I realized, once again, how happy I am to teach the kids I do. At either of my previous schools that story would have circled the school twice by the time school was done for the day. At mine? Not a single kid mentioned it ever again. Maybe the whole skirt flying up, visible teacher's underwear experience was so emotionally disturbing, that they all silently agreed to never speak of it again. One can hope.


3. Two weeks ago, there was an episode of Glee guest starring.... wait for it..... Neil Patrick Harris and directed by Joss Whedon. Does life get any better than that? Maybe for other people, but for me? Not really. (I am one sad spinster.)

4. Next Wednesday my sisters Jennifer and Christy, and my niece Alyssa are coming to stay with for for a few days. I'm so excited that I can hardly stand it. I'm planning our activities and clearning out the guest room for them. Austen's very excited, or he would be if he understood anything that I say to him.

5. I'm in the middle of buying a home for the first time in my life. I've put it off for various reasons including mind numbing fear at the thought of that much debt and the desire to move away from Las Vegas, but I made some realizations. 1. I'm not getting out of here until the economy improves. 2. Housing prices in Las Vegas are currently ridiculously low. 3. Might as well own if I'm going to stay here for awhile.

I have an accepted offer right now, but it's a short sale at it's going to take awhile and the bank could turn the offer down. I'm trying to be patient. We'll see how it goes.

6. Another video that puts my dog parenting to shame:



I'll bet that dog doesn't put down his ears and crawl into his owner's lap when given a command. Hmmmph.

7. Summer is three short school days away.

Those nights in the country must be long....

Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

Quote of the Day....

Background: I bribe my students to do my bidding by promising them that I will bake them cupcakes. I make REALLY good cupcakes.

Male Student: "Miss, your cupcakes are like God--in cake form."

Things that make me go hmmmmm....

Things I've seen while driving, parking, and/or walking this week:

1. A roadside sign proclaiming "TIKI'S!!! Followed by a guy with a bunch of these



in the back of his truck. It made me wonder a couple of things.

a. Is a carved tiki really something you'd buy at the spur of the moment from a road side vendor? I mean, it's not a bag of oranges or a fabric wall hanging of Bob Marley. It's a huge carved log with a terrifying face carved into it. I would think that as far as a design element goes, a tiki is a commitment. It's not like they "go" with everything. It's not like you can put it in the corner of your yard and it'll blend in. I'm fairly certain it makes a statement (a statement that says "It's 5 o'clock somewhere! Party!!!! Time to get my beer goggles on! Whoo Hoooo!!" Something like that)

b. When must people use apostrophes where no apostrophes are needed? It's Tikis, not Tiki's, unless Tiki Barber has decided to randomly display some of his own personal belongings at the side of the road for kicks. Come ON people!!

2. A man, at least 60 years old, waxing his SUV in my condo parking lot to the sultry sounds of George Michael's "Kissing a Fool". Annnnnnd he was singing along. Loud. In the parking lot. TO GEORGE MICHAEL. Hmmmm.

3. Earlier this week while I was in the middle of walking Austen I noticed car full of Japanese people looking in my direction while talking, smiling, and pointing in the manner of a group of 15 year olds who've just spotted Robert Pattison. Then one of the women opened the car door and ran across the parking lot saying "I love this dog! I had this dog! This English dog! Where did you get?" While crouching down and grabbing at Austen. Let me tell you something about my little man: in public, he'll run up to random people like he wants them to pet him, but actually he'd rather they didn't touch him. He's not sure it's hygenic, or where their hands have been, and ummmmmm..... nothankyouverymuch. This lady was NOT to be deterred, however and although my dog had his ears down and was hiding behind my legs she was sure that he liked her. Then the rest of the family climbed out of the car. By this time Austen was so freaked out that he didn't even want to pretend anymore. He sat down behind me and started to softly whine, his anxiety overwhelming him. I picked him up to calm him down and the lady said, "Give him to me. He loves me. I want to hold!" and grabbed him. He cried out in pain (totally fake) and looked at me through fearful bulging eyes. Instead of noticing this very OBVIOUS show of canine fear she looked triumphantly at me and crowed "See!! HE LOVES ME!!" Sure lady. Sure. When I finally got my dog back from her she asked me, "Do you walk this way everyday??" I smiled and said, "Sometimes" while thinking "NEVER AGAIN!!" Unlike most days when at the end of a walk Austen looks at me in censure and disappointment as if to say, "You're a terrible mother. Aunt Christy would have walked me longer.", after our experience he ran all the way home and immediately went into his crate as soon as I took off his leash.

I don't think he's cut out to be famous.

4 things.... Maybe 5

1. This was supposed to happen to ME!!!

2. I have only one more week until Spring Break. It's about time. I'm plumb worned out, and I get to go and see some of my favoritest people ever....(Carly and Rachel, start clearing out your drawers now. You know I'm gonna make you do it when I come, ya pack rats!)

3. I have a post in the works about the British Crap I've been watching over the past couple of months. Here's a preview:



He makes that cravat look really good.

4. My upstairs neighbor decided to throw what sounded like a slumber party for 150 10 year old girls WEDNESDAY night. The main party game was apparently "Who can scream the loudest while running up and down the hall and then dropping bowling balls until 1 am." I don't know who the winner was, but I DO know it wasn't me. Oooooor my students the next day.

5. I tried Pioneer Woman's pizza crust recipe this week and it resulted in the most delicious homemade pizza I've ever made/tasted. If you like pizza at all, you should try it.

My Saturday

How I spent my Saturday:

6 am: Woke up, rolled over, went back to sleep.

7:30 am: Woken up by Austen shaking his collar and snorting like a pig.

7:31 am: Let Austen climb up into bed with me.

8:45 am: Finally woke up to Austen standing over me and staring.

9:00 am: Took Austen out to do his business.

9:30 am: Went grocery shopping.

10:45 am: Ate breakfast.

11:00 am-12:30 pm:Sat on the couch NOT cleaning my house.

12:30-12:35 pm: Had a staring contest with Austen.

12:45-2:30 pm: Took a nap.

2:30-3:30 pm: Avoided cleaning my house again.

3:30-3:35 pm: Had a staring contest with Austen

3:40-4:55 pm: Replaced the sheets on my bed and washed my old ones, cleaned my bathroom and organized my make-up. Took out the trash, folded laundry

4:55-500 pm: Another staring contest with Austen. In the middle, realized that I hadn't fed him breakfast.

5:01 pm: Fed Austen extra food. In bad dog mommy circles we call this a "guilt helping"

5:00-7:00 pm: Watched a couple of episodes of Toddlers in Tiaras. I know. It's horrible, but I can't help it. It's like a train wreck, and it has the added bonus of making me feel better about myself. Sure, I forget to feed my dog, but I don't put a wig and fluffy dress on him, slap fake teeth in his mouth and then make him parade around in front of a bunch of crazy pageant people, now do I?

7:15-7:30 pm: Wrote this post.


See why I haven't updated lately?

Aaaaand now for a little glimpse into my life...

Leave out the bit about public transport and add "the condo upstairs" and you have a frighteningly accurate view into my current living situation.




I'm not made for condo living.