If you were to look up "Dashing" in the dictionary, this is what you'd find

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Colin Firth is the thinking woman's sexiest man alive. Just when I think some other British boy has taken his place atop the pedestal of my affections, he does something lovely and my heart is his again.

Take his speech at this year's Golden Globes for instance:



Oh Colin, I love you even when you're not wearing a waistcoat.

Merry Christmas Ladies....

(Thanks Carren!)

EVERYTHING Sounds Better With an English Accent

Especially HIS English accent:



How adorable is Jude Law?

Seriously?

Not only does he look like this:



But he also says things like this,

and then he dances like a goofball in this:


(Never have I wanted to be an 88 year old woman more.)

And he makes it impossible for me NOT to love him.

Needed: Yard. STAT!!

It won't come as a shock to anyone who knows me well that I really wish I had a backyard. For one, I have the cutest little dog in the world, and I'd love to be able to open the back door and send him out to poop late at night or early in the morning. I'm sure my neighbors who get to witness me in all my pajama-ed glory would also appreciate me having a yard of my own. For two, Austen seriously LOVES to runinandoutandinandoutandinandout of my sister's doggie door and would love to have one of his very own.

But.

The most important reason I'd like to have a backyard, is because then I could invite Jamie Durie to make it into an "Outdoor Room" for me.





I'm not much of a gardner by nature, but I think Jamie could convince me for several reasons:

1. He's GOhohohohoorgeous.
2. He's Australian (meeyow)
3. He loves dogs



4. He's from a part of Sydney named, I kid you not, Manly, Australia.
5. He creates incredibly beautiful gardens.






and, if those aren't reason enough, there's always this:



Yeah. He hangs with Oprah.

I know.

Yes. I'm a dork

But my long forgotten crush on Jimmy Fallon? BACK ON BABY. Why? Because of this impromptu little concert with my idol Miss Piggy and other various muppets:




And Kermit? I've never stopped crushing on you.

(found via bestweekever.tv )

Dream a little dream with me....

Last night I dreamt that I was engaged to Patton Oswalt.



I will admit to the fact that I find him strangely attractive. Funny and talented goes a long way with me (and his bit about the KFC Famous bowl? Priceless. He calls it a failure pile in a sadness bowl. I love that). And there he was, in my dream. Engaged to me. And Mormon. (Even in my dream I had a hard time buying that one, what with his love of the F bomb and all.)

Anyway, after playing several rounds of Wii bowling and telling my mom that we were engaged we decided to go to a ward party (as you do on the day you get engaged). At the party we ran in to Mama Duggar who couldn't have been happier for us.


Maybe upgrading to Preferred Basic Cable was a bad idea....

How long 'til Wednesday?

Too long, let me tell ya. I swear, it's like the writers of Glee have looked into my soul and found my most favorite cheesy ballads of all time. Coming up Wednesday possibly the best so far....


And Puck ain't bad either.

I'm baaaaaaaack!

I can hardly believe it, but I'm sitting here in my own little apartment typing this post on my computer. I have so much to say about the whole ordeal, but that's a different post. Mostly I'm just giddy to be back blogging. I've really missed it.


There are definitely more posts to come, but for now I'd like to share 4 things, maybe 5...

1. This weekend was General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I've been treated to a two day spiritual feast. I was moved to tears often and the messages and lessons I've been taught this weekend have strengthened my resolve to be a better person. I realize that I've allowed myself to become very spiritually lazy over the past year or so, and it's time to make some changes. I recieved answers to prayers I'd yet to utter, and I know that I want to be a better person than I've been. The highlight of the two days was, for me, Elder Holland's
talk. His testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith and The Book of Mormon has inspired me to begin reading and studying The Book of Mormon from the beginning starting tonight. I'm going to attempt to finish by Christmas. We'll see how it goes.


2.I've agreed to teach an extra class this year. This is one of the only extra duty assignments in public education that is actually worth the money they pay you, but it is tiring. I get my first extra payment this next Friday, and I'm looking forward to it. I've decided that to celebrate I'm buying myself a TiVo. I know. I dream big.

3. My sister Christy and I have begun planning our super fabulous vacation for summer of 2010. We have some ideas, but welcome any input. I know that a certain Nashville bus tour is under consideration, at least for me.

4. Jim and Pam are getting married this week. So, don't bother trying to call Thursday, October 8th between 9 and 10 pm pacific time. My phone will be off. I will be living vicariously through my two dimensional friends and squelching the desire to scream "Don't marry her Jim! You love meeeeeeeeeee!" at the top of my lungs. (I love you John Krasinski, and I forgive you for robbing me of those two hours.)

5. I have a new t.v. obsession: It's an appropriate title because it fills my heart with glee each an every week.

That is partly because of the super FAAAAABULOUS musical numbers like this one:



and partly because of this man:



Matthew Morrison, who is both adorable and incredibly talented. What makes him so special? Maybe it's his curly hair, or his cute smile, or the way he dances when he's singing "Gold digger", or the sweet earnestness of his character, or, or, I just don't know. I just know that I love him. I'm sorry Toby. I do.

So there you go. I think this post is my blog in a nutshell: from the sublime to the ridiculous. What can I say. I'm complex. I'm deep. I like cute boys.

Why I will be seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine

It's not because of this guy:



as lovely as he is (have you seen Australia? Probably not, but let me tell you....hubba hubba).

I'm going because this guy:



from my favorite tv show about high school sports is playing Gambit, a character who's super power is in some way related to fiery playing cards? Sorry X-Men nerds enthusiasts, I don't follow this stuff. I'm just in it for the cute boys.

But....the thing that made me decide to see this movie (even though I don't generally get excited about comic book related films) is that playing Hugh Jackman's half brother is this guy:



My boyfriend Alex (known as Aaron Jefferey in real life)! I know I might be the ONLY person in America who's decision to see this mega big budget shoot 'em up action film was made by the fact that a little known (in the U.S.) Australian television actor is playing a small supporting role.

But hey. That's how I roll.

Liz Lemon: Patron Saint of Spinsters

I have a really hard time with the way most single women in their 30's are portrayed on television. They all seem to fit into a couple of different stereotypes:

1. Sexy, confident, sassy girl: She's got the world on a string, knows how to talk to men, is excellent at her job, might have a few foibles (she spends too much money on shoes, has commitment issues, etc), but she's gorgeous, perfect, in control. . . and makes me feel inadequate.

2. Bitter, angry, man-hater girl: she's generally a minor character brought on a show as a contrast to the really wonderful hot girl the main character is dating or to be a source of irritation for the male lead. She generally gets to make a lot of really funny sarcastic comments, and is usually really smart, but makes me uncomfortable. I don't like the idea that this is the way people view me.

3. Quirky clutzy girl: as hot as girl #1 but has lost her memory/was abducted by aliens/has vivid and delusional daydreams/etc. This girl is so out there that I can't see myself in her, yet she always seems to find her way into a great job/relationship/etc. Annnnnnnnd she says funny things along the way.

4. The shy awkward girl who is actually neither shy or awkward. She says she's bad at men yet magically finds ones who want to date her. She's really #1 in sheep's clothing. This girl makes me feel stupid and inadequate because I truly am shy and awkward and I keep expecting to NOT be when the time is right, but it never happens.

Then came Liz Lemon.





Liz is the first woman on network tv that I can totally identify with. She's smart, talented and funny, but she's also messy. She can't control her life no matter how much she'd like to. She actually walks around (in bicurious sensible shoes) with food in her hair (at BYU my roommates said that on my headstone, chiseled into granite, would be the words "She had food in her hair."), and dreams of island vacations where she can wear comfy socks with her sandals and read a book. She bought a wedding dress even though she wasn't even dating anyone because it was on sale, and then wore it to work to prove she wasn't a pathetic sad spinster. She doesn't think of the right thing to say when she wants to say it. She loves worships Oprah. She's bad at men.

She's a dork.

A dork like me.

Annnnnnnd because Liz Lemon is not a real person, but is instead a character on the very very popular television show 30 Rock, we get to see what would happen if someone as bad at men as I am were to meet the most gorgeous male creature on earth: John Hamm




Oh Liz, we all want to go to there.

As happy as I was to have John Hamm back in my life (Mad Men Season 2 when will you come out on DVD??) I worried that my Liz was going to morph into single girl #4. I needn't have worried:




(If you want to get to know Liz and love her like I do, you have a chance tonight at 9:30 after my other favorite show The Office.)

Insert Klever Title Here...

This post has taken me AGES to finish. It began when I saw a "D"elightful post on Melissa's blog listing ten things she loves that start with the letter "D" and signed up to do one of my own.

Little did I know how truly difficult this whole "name 10 things that start with a particular letter" thing would be. I apologize that it's taken me so darn long, but if you know me at all, you know I have to overthink everything. This was no exception.

So, here they are in no particular order, things that I love that start with :

1. Kilts. I love them. I love the way men look when they wear them. I love the land they come from.

I know not everyone feels this way, but I just can't understand it. How can you look at a picture like this:

and not love them too? Seriously. Look at him.

They also remind me of my first trip to Scotland when I fell in love with the land o' the kilt

Gorgeous, init? My favorite memory of our day in Edinburgh was when a mentally handicapped Chinese man traveling with our group repeatedly told our kilt-wearing Scottish guide "That's a very nice skirt!" It went over EXTREMELY well with our very manly guide, let me tell you.

2. Kings Cross Station



First of all, I love all of the Victorian train stations in London. They contain beautiful architecture, a tremendous sense of history, and delightful almond croissants. They also offer the promise of adventure. What sets Kings Cross apart, in my humble opinion, is the fact that they've added this:



I love that they've created something that serves no purpose other than to delight Harry Potter loving tourists. Speaking of ole' H. P. can I mention that I'm incredibly excited about this:

?

Yes? Thanks!

Finally, I chose Kings Cross Station because it is a small part London, a city that I love more than my luggage. I could go back every year and still not see everything. I love that.

3. Krasinski, John and Kapoor, Kelly. Ok, you all know I love The Office.

I credit John Krasinski (who I'd like to marry me and father my babies) for initially hooking me. I love his flippy hair and smirky face. I loved watching him, as Jim, pine over Pam, and I love watching him be engaged to her. I love the tricks he plays on Dwight. I love him.

But, after watching for 4 years now, there's another character who I love nearly as much. Jim hooked me, but Kelly Kapoor keeps me laughing, week after week. Kelly is the annoying, shallow, celebrity and self-obsessed girl you'd hate to be assigned to work with, and that's the very reason she's so much fun to watch.

Here's a clip to show you what I'm talking about. It's long, but even if you just watch a little you'll see what I mean.

When I also consider that the amazing Mindy Kaling, who plays Kelly, wrote several of my FAVORITE episodes including:

"The Dundies", "The Injury", and "Branch Wars"

I love her even more.

4. Keeping the Moon (and anything else by Sarah Dessen)




I love Young Adult Literature in general, but Sarah Dessen's are, in my opinion, the best of the lot.

I've spent the last ten years of my life working with teenagers, and while they are hilarious and brilliant, they just aren't as snappy and witty as they are generally portrayed. That's part of what I love about Sarah Dessen's books. Her characters are real. They talk, eat, behave. . . . etc. like the teenagers I know. I like that although there's always resolution at the end of these books they aren't tied up with a big happy bow.




5. Kelly, Reckless Kelly.



I've already written at length about these guys. All I want to add is that my love has only grown since October when I wrote that post. I love them I love them I love them.

6. King, Jillian King:



I love this girl in general, but this particular picture makes me so happy I could weep. Posting this might be strike number three for our friendship and require me to take an online course, but I don't care. Plus, Jillian, you know you told me to put you on the list. (I would have anyway. Probably.)

7. K-9's in general, Austen in particular



I've had dogs for most of my life, and I must say that life is measurably more fulfilling and happy with them than without. When my Scouter died I tried to look on the bright side and think of the freedom I'd have as a pet free individual. While it's true that being dogless allowed me easier travel, less responsibility, and a year of hair free clothing and furniture, my life was much emptier than I could possibly imagine. During this time I struggled through a profound depression. I know that getting Austen, in large measure, is what helped me pull through that time without the use of antidepressants.

I say that even though he did this:





and this:




and this:




to my furniture this in 1 1/2 hours this past Saturday while I went out to breakfast with friends.

8. Knits



It's ironic how much I love scarves, sweaters, and knit caps considering the fact that I was raised in Southern California and now live in Las Vegas. My fashion sense is much more suited to the East Coast or the British Isles than the Southwest, but what can you do?



Kill me now. Krasinski in knits? Fuggettaboutit.


9. Kitsch


I delight in kitsch. Because I also have impeccable taste (ahem) I resist buying much of the kitsch I desire (I had to talk myself out of a pendant of the Tardis this week), although I do own the following:



In magnet form on my refrigerator (he's the official Lowe Family Elvis)

and this postcard:



That I couldn't resist buying from the Liberace Museum Gift Shop. What can I say? I'm patriotic.

I also enjoy this Kitsch



But that's another story.


10. Kitchen

The kitchen is my favorite room in the house.

1. I love to cook/bake. Annnnnnnnnd I'm really good at it.

2. When I was growing up the kitchen was a place that we'd gather to talk, often with several of us sitting on the countertops, about anything and everything.

3. The kitchen is where the Kitchenaid Mixer lives:



That's it. My list. It was more work AND more fun than I thought it would be to come up with.

Okay, so if you want to join in the blogging fun, just post a comment and ask me for a letter. I'll randomly assign you one and you can post your own list of things you love!

Just in case you were already planning...

I'm turning 35 in a few short weeks, and I'd just like to go on record as saying that I do NOT want this cake:



It makes me uncomfortable on several levels (that I will NOT be discussing here) Never mind, I'll share them:

1. Eating this cake would be akin to eating one of those naked girl mudflaps.



2. Just look at his hair will you? I know it's molded plastic and all, but this guy looks like that creepy "distant cousin" who still combs his hair with pomade and always corners you at family reunions to tell you how "purty you've grown up to be" and "if I was only 30 years younger..." Ick! I don't care if he is a Dapper Dan Man, I don't want him.

3. That rug looks reeeeeealllly uncomfortable.

4. Hello! it's a boy in his underwear on top of a cake. I don't care if he is plastic, it just doesn't feel sanitary.

5. Yes. I'm single. Yes. I'm 35. No, I don't have a date to my own party. Yes. I'm a sad lonely spinster. Please don't give me a plastic naked man on a cake to further rub salt in that wound.

6. Ewww. Just. Ewww.


I would not be able to eat that cake. I don't know that I've ever said those words before, but believe me. I mean them.

Don't. Just. Don't.

(Thanks Cakewrecks)

And you said Buffy the Vampire Slayer was unrealistic.

On Buffy the Vampire Slayer (AKA: How vampires SHOULD be portrayed in media) Season 5, Spike, in a fit of obsessive love for Buffy, forced a desperate nerd to create a robotic Buffy who would love him back. At the time it was a hilarious but unrealistic commentary on unrequited love. I enjoyed the storyline immensely.

Flash forward a few years: A Japanese man living in Canada has created what he refers to as "the perfect woman". She's a robot.




Yeah. Who knew Joss Whedon was so prophetic?

So much about this bothers me, but I'll share a few quotes from the article and comment on them.

"SHE is the perfect wife, with the body of a Page 3 pin-up and housekeeping skills that put TV’s Kim and Aggie to shame.
Her name is Aiko, she can even read a map, and will never, ever, nag."

In other words, I should put "excellent navigational skills" and "handy with a vacuum" on my LDSSingles.com profile, but might not want to mention that I have ideas of my own.

"Devoted Aiko — “in her 20s” — has a stunning 32-23-33 figure, pretty face and shiny hair."

Oh dear. I'm definitely past my sell by date.

"She is always happy to clean the house for “husband” Le, help with his accounts or get him a drink."

Note to self: enroll in Geisha courses.

And for the "You, sir, are a freak of nature!" file:

"The couple often go for a drive in the countryside, where Aiko proves a whizz at directions.
And they always sit down for dinner together in the evening, although Aiko doesn’t have much of an appetite."

Ok, this one is for the inventor directly. "You are aware, sir, that you are taking a ROBOT for a drive, right? She's NOT real. On the bright side, you're saving money on food and she'll never get chunky on you."


"Le says his relationship with Aiko hasn’t strayed into the bedroom, but a few “tweaks” could turn her into a sexual partner."

Ewwwwwww! Just Ewwwwww!

I am not touching that one. In fact, I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back in time and NOT read that part of the article.

There is some hope for Aiko, though. She's not a complete moron:

"Le said: “Women usually try to talk to her. But men always want to touch her, and if they do it the wrong way she slaps them.”

Maybe those pervs should look into this:



(FYI:This clip is the reason I have a crush on Sam Waterson to this day. Law and Order? Whatever.)

Two things I love:

Mormon boys and synchronized swimming. . . Enjoy:



Thanks Meredith for the tip

4 Things, Maybe 5

1. Quantum of Solace was only ok. But Daniel Craig did things for polo shirts that I thought impossible.



2. Bronx Mowgli Wentz? Really?! Did they lose a bet or something?

3. This week was American Education Week, and a teacher at my school always gives the kids an assignment to choose a teacher to write a thank you card for. I got about 6 this year, and they were really sweet. One in particular said that I was the most inspirational teacher she'd ever had. It made me cry and feel all warm and tingly inside. It's nice to know you make an impact.

4. I'm through fighting it. I'll go and see Twilight. I'm sure it will benefit from abridgement. I think I can handle two hours of on screen teenage angst. I deal with the three dimensional version every day.



(Robert Pattison and his handsome hair don't hurt the cause. Of course, in my heart he'll always be Cedric Diggory.)


5. I realized that I haven't mentioned my boyfriend Toby for awhile. Hey everyone, I love Toby Stephens!

Evidence...

In my defense, here's part of the interview I witnessed between Ellen and Miley Cyrus:




See. She's maybe more than kinda dumb.

Here's what I wanted to see:



Yummmmmmmmmmmy. (But no Disney tickets.)

A dream is a wish your heart makes??

If Walt Disney is to be believed, I think I'm in trouble.

You see, Wednesday night I dreamed that I made out with this guy:




Tony Dovolani, from Dancing with the Stars. This is confusing to me, as I've never found him particularly attractive during my waking hours. But, he came walking right into my dream shirtless, and for some reason, soaking wet. Anyway, we kissed and kissed and kissed, and then for some reason I walked away and met this guy:



Maksim Chmerkovskiy also from Dancing With the Stars. Again, while Maks is a super hottie, I can't say that I'm particularly attracted to him. Anyway, I then immediately started making out with Maks and then Tony caught us and there were distraught tears and pleading (from the guys. I don't beg.).

I woke up and wondered to myself, "Why these two guys?" I mean, I'm totally in fake love with my boyfriend Toby



and I've never made out with him in a dream. Or any of these guys:






These guys, I'd understand. But PROFESSIONAL BALL ROOM DANCERS? What's wrong with me? Again. Don't answer. Because if Disney's right, I'm a cheeZy slut.