Bedazzled Wisdom

I'm going to admit something that will potentially cause you to lose any and all of the respect you may have for me: I like to watch QVC.

I've never actually purchased anything from QVC, although it's been close a time or two, so you may ask, "Why do you watch it?" Two words: JEANNE BICE.



For those of you who don't know the genius that is Jeanne Bice, she is the founder and creator of Quacker Factory. What is Quacker Factory, you may ask?

According to the Quacker Factory website,

"The Quacker Factory is a mythical little cottage, nestled beside the beach in a quaint Floridian seaside town. As you approach "The Factory", down a cobblestone walk, you are greeted by a charming picket fence. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. The ocean breezes and clean salt air causes a rustle in the coconut palms. From the pond out back, you hear the occasional quacking of ducks... that are our inspiration.

Enter "The Factory" and you find open airy spaces, with billowing curtains, wide windows shaded by tropical shutters and the calming sounds of waves breaking on the beach. The floors are bleached-out pine boards and the furnishings are made of whicker with over-stuffed cushions of bright colored gingham. The walls are hung with angels galore - fresh cut flowers in vases and pails are everywhere. A huge wraparound porch affords a view of both beach and pond. Comfy patio furniture beckons you to grab a fresh ice cold lemonade and settle in. This is where we make dreams come true."
(This goes on for at least five more paragraphs, if you've got the time I highly recommend visiting the link above. Additionally, the English teacher in me would like to point out that I cut and pasted from the site. Any mistakes in spelling/grammar/punctuation are not mine.)

This is also where "we" make fashions like this:



Or this one if you're feeling particularly patriotic:



Or this one for a romantic date:


And this one lights up (no I'm not kidding), which could come in handy if when at the movies with your fella you go ahead and pick out seats while he buys the popcorn. That way when he comes into the dark movie theater you can just turn it on and he'll find you with no problems.

Anyway, Jeanne is as colorful and sparkly as her creations, and I love every minute of her headband wearing, cliched platitude spouting performances on QVC. She started as a widow with two sons to feed, a bedazzler, and a dream. Now she's like Buddha to the "Quackers" who pretty much worship the ground she walks on. They go on Quacker cruises, buy Quacker jewelry, and literally quack at her and each other. Again, I'm not kidding. I couldn't make this stuff up.

Jeanne is delightfully ditzy, sincere, and decidedly un PC. Here's my favorite Jeanne Bice moment of all time:



So, in Quacker land the score is now Christians: 1 Jews: 0.

Anyway, my sister knows my love of all things Bice and a couple of years ago bought me Jeanne's book:



What you can't see is that the cover has GLITTER!!! It's full of "sparkly flair. . .folksy charm" and! exclamation! points! To make things even better, when Jeanne writes something she finds particularly insightful, it's printed in pink. I've decided as a regular feature I'm going to share these "gems" (Get it?) with you. I can't keep them to myself any longer.

Here's the first, are you ready for it?

Dreams really do come true. So ruffle your little pink feathers and get dreaming!"

You're welcome.