The agony of defeat

Hey everyone,
First off, may I say "Thank you!" to all of my commenters who've heaped hyperbolic praise upon me after my last post. I appreciate the attagirls. However, after filling out 13 AVID academic probation contracts, I don't know if it's deserved. I'm feeling like a wee little failure this morning, in fact.

I don't know what to do at this point. Some of these kids are failing 4 and 5 classes. FOUR AND FIVE!! What is going on? Are they listening to me AT ALL? Am I saying the right things? Doing anything of value? Grrr!! Here's the truth about teaching. For every minute spent basking in the wonderful parts (and they are truly wonderful) you spend five doubting every single thing you do. Luckily the good parts are so mind bogglingly beautiful that the ugliness doesn't seem so bad. . . later, when you think back.

So, I'll just say it: Don't praise me too quickly, I've got a lot of room to grow. . .

Tick Tock

We had an AVID party after school today. It was a rousing success. My sophomores have wanted to have a get together since the beginning of the year to meet the AVID Freshmen and impart their wisdom. I have had so much on my plate that it got put off until today. The Student Council pitched in and paid for pizza and veggies, and the kids came and had a great time. A few of my girls talked about starting an AVID club, others offered help and advice. I was so proud of my kids that I could hardly stand it. When the party ended one of my kids was waiting for me. He said, "Is there any way you can give me a ride home? There are some gangsters waiting for me at the light on the corner and I want to make it home in one piece." I decided that I'd rather break the rule against being alone with students than see him hurt in any way. I knew that he lived in a rough neighborhood, but was unprepared for him to look at my salmon colored shirt and decide that it was not red enough to get me killed (his neighborhood is controlled by the Crips), or ride in the back scrunched down as we drove past the light in question. I love this kid and feel a renewed desire to help my AVID kids do what they need to do in order to change their lives. I want them to have the option of living in a safe neighborhood and for their children to know a life that doesn't involve life or death decisions on their walk home.



On the way to my student's house he asked me, "What do you DO when you leave school?" I replied that I lived my life, cleaned the house, ran errands, took classes at UNLV, etc. He then said, "Do you have kids?" I thought we'd covered this, but when I replied that I did not, in fact, have kids he lectured me for about 5 minutes straight about how old I was getting and that I needed to get to work "popping out some babies before it's too late." Nothing like a 16 year-old kid's perspective to make you feel decrepit and dried up.

Hey Toby you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. . .

I'm showing part of the Masterpiece Theatre version of Jane Eyre to my students today. I don't normally show movies as it's a real waste of time. (Newsflash to everyone who thought your teacher didn't know that in high school. . . they showed you movies more for themselves than for you. . . I promise) However, we administered the PSAT on Wednesday and that meant that one of my classes didn't meet for block day this week. I didn't want my classes to get out of sync, so I'm showing Jane.

For those of you who don't know, a new version of Jane Eyre was made last year starring the absolutely hunkalicious Toby Stephens. My friend MaryAnna and I watched it together last year and I had to control my impulse to squeal with delight every time Toby appeared onscreen. He's so scrumptious, in fact, that I tracked down every last movie he's been in on Netflix and even (ooooooh the shame) went on fansites where the other crazies like me refer to themselves as "Tobettes". Yes. Tobettes. This is my sad, sad, tribe.

FYI: the miniseries is really good (not just the Toby parts) and I highly recommend it.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I brought in clips from two different film versions so that my students could compare, contrast, and evaluate their effectiveness. Several of my female students came up to me with stars in their eyes and whispered reverently "Who was playing Rochester in the second clip?" I happily told them it was my boyfriend Toby (if only he knew. . . I know he could love me.). One of my male students said he thought Rochester was too handsome, but the girls and I said we were ok with that.

(I have a couple of girls who were in love with Rochester before they ever saw Toby, so I'm feeling ok with things. One of them has even drawn little hearts with Mr. Rochester + Maggie in them. This is perhaps the cutest thing I've seen in my 9 years as an English teacher. Talk about connecting with literature!! I told her she wasn't alone, that women have been falling in love with bad boy Edward Rochester for over 100 years.)

Today when I told them we'd be watching Jane, those same girls came up to me and asked, "We're watching the one with the HOT Rochester, right?" Of course!!!!!!

This is why I love my job. I get to watch Toby Stephens in the name of education. I wish I could explain my Johnny Depp posters (Yes, I have two posters of Johnny in my classroom) with as much dignity.

Mr. (Frank Lloyd) Wright

The wedding was wonderful. I was fat, and yet enjoyed myself. Of course as soon as I look at any pictures taken on the day I'll want to pluck out my own eyes in sorrow, but nonetheless, I had a lot of fun. It was wonderful to see old friends and feel as if no time had passed.

Because I got a REALLY smoking deal on the plane ticket, I had to hang around for a day after the wedding, and my friend Carren stayed in West Virginia to hang out. We drove to Pennsylvania to see the amazing Fallingwater by Frank Lloyd Wright. Added to our fun was the fact that our friends Craig and Morris had also decided to visit Fallingwater. Carren and I went for a tour of the house, while the guys rambled around the grounds.

I am amazed and astounded by this house. I got to go with Melissa to see it seven years ago, and it stuck with me. I can't quite put into words the why or what, but there's something about walking through a work of art. I'm amazed by the genius that it takes to create something of such practical beauty.

So, it's official: I have a crush on Frank Lloyd Wright.

After our tour of Fallingwater, we drove to the adorable town of Ohiopyle Pennsylvania to eat lunch. Ohiopyle's entire economy seems to be based on Kayaking and it's proximity to Fallingwater. Craig and I decided that we wanted to live in a place this beautiful. . . and that perhaps working for a non-profit (him) or in public education (me) might not be the way to go. Oh well.

I can't say that I missed work or my students while I was gone, but I can happily inform you that this morning when I returned to work I was truly happy to be there. Also, the substitute was a real jerk to my kids so they were SUPER happy to have me back. That's always nice.

Chubophobia: The fear of seeing friends when fat.

Hey everyone,
I get to fly cross country this coming Friday to attend the wedding of one of my most favorite people in the entire world. I couldn't be more excited to see old friends and be a part of my dear friend's wedding day, but I am really afraid. . . you see. . . in the past 2 years I've regained 35 of the 70 pounds I lost during the 2 years before that. I know that the people who I'm going to see love me and won't care if I don't look as cute as I wish I did, but I hate that I do. Really. I feel like such a failure and have reverted to many of my old fat habits: hiding from cameras and avoiding situations with new people. I hate that my current self image issues are clouding my excitement about seeing people that I love.

So, I'm getting over it, packing all my mumus and the big veil to hide my double chins and practicing the stop, drop, and roll Dick roll maneuver I'll need to avoid any and all cameras. It will be fun. . . I'm sure of it.

The Man Plan take 2

Hey everyone,
I know it's been a long time since I've updated, and I apologize. I will say in my defense that it's been a long couple of weeks. I've been insanely busy and sick, so that makes for little to no time for any writing. Sorry. Today, however, I'm feeling pretty good, so I thought I'd update.

I am happy to say that as of yesterday morning I've hired 3 AVID tutors. This makes for a much happier me, and for fewer insomniac nights. That's a good thing for everyone, since I'm apparently as pleasant as Sasquatch with a head cold when I don't sleep. This was helpfully pointed out to me by my lovely students last year, so I'm trying to sleep at night for their sakes.

My AVID kids are continuing to behave beautifully, and I'm trying to trust in this miraculous change rather than waiting for the other shoe to fall. Of course, there's always a fly in the ointment, and for me, it's Cody (not his real name). Cody is a kid who I really wanted to kick out of AVID last year, but didn't have enough documentation to do so. Anyway, two of my students came to me this week and told me that he was goofing off during Chemistry instead of working on the lab and they were ticked off. I called him back to talk to him about it, and even though I had the word of two different students and could tell him exactly what he had done, he would NOT cop to it. I could not get a straight answer out of him no matter what I did. In fact, I even phrased questions so that the only possible answers would be yes or no. All to no avail. I think the thing that makes me the craziest about this is that he thinks he's outsmarted me. Let me just tell you that the day that Cody outsmarts me is the day that I will quite simply have to leap off a bridge or very tall building and fall to my very gruesome and bloody death, because I won't have anything left to live for. Rocket scientist he ain't. Added to this is the fact that two other teachers have emailed me to let me know that he refuses to follow directions and isn't completing his work. FUN FOR ME!

I've begun the great Jane Eyre experiment with my English classes. Every year I try to do something that's new and a little scary, and this year it's tackling Jane Eyre in a boy heavy school. I decided that the curriculum for 10th grade is just so male and dire that I had to throw in something by and about a woman with a happy ending. So there. Plus, I love Jane and the book to little bits and pieces. So far, although some of my students hate it (mostly boys) I'm getting positive feedback, and I love hearing from my female students how much they love the book and admire Jane as a person. We'll see how it goes.

My friend is still on the "let's get you a nice fella" idea, which she has now dubbed "The Man Plan". Her most recent idea is that I should come to the school at night and not turn off the alarm to see if any cute, single Mormon police officers show up to arrest me. She did admit that there were flaws in the plan but felt it was worth a shot. I thought differently.

Run that name by me again?

Hello everyone. I just need to say this right off the bat. . . I'M TIRED. Really. My legs and feet hurt, myhead hurts, my eyes are itchy. I'm tired. It finally all came crashing down on me today. . . .I'm back at work, and work makes you tired. I know that this is an obvious equation for most people, but I'm always surprised by it. This reminds me of (NERD ALERT!) Anya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer who said something to the effect of, "human beings are so strange. They all die, and yet they're always shocked when it happens." Too true. Joss Whedon really is a philosopher. He He He.

So, I have a great group of kids this year. I have yet to discover which class is going to drive me nuts. I know that sounds pretty pessimistic, but every high school or middle school teacher (who is honest) will tell you that every year, you have at least one class that you almost DREAD seeing come through the door. I think it's to keep a karmic balance of some sort, or an illustration of the truth that we have to know the bitter to appreciate the sweet.

Anyway, my kids seem to be sweet so far, and I'm having a fairly easy time remembering their names in context. Of course it did take the better part of the first week to realize that I was teaching both halves of a set of identical twins, rather than teaching the same boy twice. I know, I'm QUICK!! But (hee hee hee), I have a very cute, smart, and sparkly girl with perhaps the WORST name in the history of the world. Her name ends with the word, derriere. YES, her mother named her something that ends with, well, an end. I can hardly keep a straight face when I call on her, and NO ONE seems to notice that this is a name ripe for mockery. Maybe kids just don't know the word derriere. I learned it early, during a conversation between my father and our good family friend Elly about which words for the gluteous maximus were "above the line" and therefore kosher, and those which were "below the line" and became forbidden territory. I seem to remember bum, tush, and rear were "Above the line" and butt, a** (this is a family blog and that word was always so far below the line that even as an adult I can't write it in a blog that my mother reads. . . when I type the URL for her), and derrierre were below the line. Derriere was below the line mostly 'cause my dad thought it was a silly word and Elly really wanted it above the line. There's little in life that my dad enjoys more than teasing Elly, so there you go. I could give you further examples like this one time when my mom, dad, Elly and her husband Don were stuck in traffic and Elly had drunk a 32 ounce Diet Coke. . . .but I'll leave it there.