They gave me candy and called me their light...

The past two days have been emotional for me. So emotional that I don't know how to write about them, but I'm going to try.

For the past three years I've taught AVID at my school. AVID (Advancement Via Individual Determination) is a program that aims to help students in the middle who have potential, learn the skills and take the rigorous classes necessary to gain admission to a 4 year university upon graduating from high school. I believe in AVID. I believe because I've seen it work.

My school, due to budgetary concerns, has cut the AVID program for next year. My students and I have known about this for quite some time, but it's still a hard pill to swallow. I've spent three years with these kids, taught them organization skills, how to work effectively in groups, how to write better papers, how to talk appropriately with their teachers and peers, SAT and ACT test taking skills..... and now the class is no more. I'm heartsick. I'm going to miss ending the day with my kids.

I didn't always feel this way about them. Freshman year was rough, and I spent many afternoons in my classroom crying in frustration. That was the year I:

1. repeatedly shot down the idea that AVID was special ed,
2. constantly had to command them to stop touching each other innappropriately,
3. reminded them almost daily that they were in high school, not elementary
4. was present for more than one disciplinary hearing,
5. filled my recycling bin with the contents of 1 student's disgusting backpack at least 3 times.
6. lost the lid to my Candy Jar after the class decided to see how far it would fly,
and
7. thought I was incapable of loving them.



Sophomore year was better, but I still wondered if this group would EVER catch the vision and get with the program. Halfway through the school year I realized that I truly loved my class, warts and all. This was also the time when one of my students gave up completely and began to act out in such a terrible manner that I had to write my first referral in 5 years. I had to kick a lot of kids out of AVID at the end of Sophomore year, and that hurt, but it was the right thing to do.




This year AVID has been the best part of my day. I was blessed to have AVID for my 8th period class and so we ended each day together. On the first day of school my AVID students walked in and we were just so happy to be together again. We talked about the year and the challenges they would be facing. They asked me intelligent questions about the SAT and ACT tests they'd be taking. I finally saw that although it didn't seem like it, they'd actually been listening to me.

We worked hard this year, and my students challenged themselves to a level they'd never done before. We loved AVID and we loved each other. We had finally become a family. Gone were the cliques and hurtful names, gone was the drama that had plagued our first two years. What we had left was a group of kids that worked incredibly well together, that wanted to help each other succeed.



Then, halfway through this year came the news that AVID had become another victim of our economy. I kept the news from my students as long as I could, but by the beginning of 2nd semester I had to tell them. They took it badly. We cried. We were angry. But we kept working.

My AVID students continued to participate in tutorial groups even when we had no tutors. They continued to listen to my *ahem* wise words of advice. They carried on. They embodied as a group the words of one of their classmates who said "We are AVID. They can cancel the class, but they can't get rid of AVID because it's inside of us."

On the day of finals, I planned a special awards ceremony where I talked about each student and gave them an award. We cried through the entire thing and had to hug it out when it was over. I thought, "Well that was tough, but at least it's over now."

Notsomuch. Today they all came into my class during the break between finals to present me with a scrapbook they'd made for me. Each student wrote me a letter and they'd also put in pictures I took of each of them wearing my graduation robes from UNLV. They wrote that they would be friends forever, and that they were ready for what lay ahead. The last page states "This is not the end..."

It made me cry. BIG SHUDDERING UGLY SOBS and reminded me of the end of Dangerous Minds where Michelle Pfieffer's character decides to continue teaching even though it nearly killed her. Her friend says "How'd they get you to stay?" She replies, "They gave me candy and called me their light." and he says, "That'll do it."

He's right. That'll do it.